My roller coaster just wont stop.

I keep loosing it at the stupidest things. And then I get super angry and flustered and just want to punch something or someone.

The Valium tends to help bring me back to mellow and I don’t think my moodstabliser is keeping me very stable.

The anger I have over regular comments that my mind makes me hear as snide and sassy which tends to set me off, has been uncontrollable. This is unacceptable and I don’t know how to fix it.

I don’t have a friend near by to catch up with and chat. the face to face conversation that is ” beneficial for mental health”. I am really hard to chat about anyway and who really wants that other than a paid professional. Again my anxiety of being in a social area wouldn’t benefit anyone. So stuck all the same no matter how I would like my life to be.

Due to my recent suicidal ideation and the unpredictable nature of it. I am having regular catch ups with my nurse practitioner intermittent between seeing the DR always helps. But why cant I just have a breather from my head.

Why wont the roller coaster get stuck upside down for a few days and give me a break. Fuck it if all the blood rushes into my head and my eyes pop out. Just some silence in my head.

Not really to much to ask for.

About Veronica

I am Veronica and I am a long-suffering broken, depressed, medicated, extremely sarcastic bipolar person. I was diagnosed many years ago however the bipolar diagnosis was first conveyed when I was around eight years old. I have BPD2 (Bipolar Disorder 2) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and recently its been said I can add Borderline Personality Disorder. My new favorite diagnosis at present is TRD which sounds a little better that Treatment Resistant Depression. I have had Electroconvulsive Therapy a few times. *There is content in here which can trigger many things. I had considered writing something a very long time ago, but have so many depressive episodes I lose myself and then have to climb the wall again. I have beautiful manic episodes where there is no more reasoning with the other me and everything is fun and fast and free. They never end well; but in those moments life is exceptional. This blog is my way of working through my head. I love to write, I have boxes full of my words, in notebooks that have stories, poetry, pain, madness from within. It is mine. I write with hope that it will be read and connect with someone. I will listen to you if you need an ear, *I will always apply credit to another writers work if I am to use it. Only read if you wish. I welcome your comments and encouragements however I would appreciate that you are mindful that this is a public blog, which might be read by families and children and I would ask that you keep your replies to a ā€œGā€ rated with a helpful rather than destructive tone. Sincerely Veronica - A work in progress!

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