I am Veronica. I am a long suffering Bipolar person. I was diagnosed 8 years ago, but the Bipolar Diagnosis was first brought to thought when I was around 8 years old. I have BPD2 and PTSD and recently the borderline personality?
I had considered writing something a very long time ago, but have so many depressive episodes I lose myself and then have to climb the wall again. I have beautiful manic episodes where there is no more reasoning with the other me and everything is fun and fast and free. They never end well but in those moments life was more than what I had dreamt of.
I worry so much for my children. The biological side of BPD scares the hell out of me. I didn’t think I would pass on my debilitating mind to them. My eldest is 12 and has my sense of humour and she reminds me of me when I was young. This in my mind means trouble. My second daughter is 9. She is a beautiful soul but she gets heartbroken so easily all the time. My son who is 4 I dare say will be fine. He is a mummy’s boy and when I am down he can usually get a smile out of me.
They see me every day and some days I can’t make eye contact with them because my head is telling me deep, dark aggressive thoughts and I know they can see that darkness in my eyes.
They are lucky they have their father to protect them. He has been a consistent support for me and his willingness to keep our family together when I am often trying to run away. He would be the rock of the family.
My head tells me I’m doing it all wrong. I am often told I am a good mother and that my children are perfect, polite little humans. It has always been difficult to take that compliment, any compliment really but if I have got them on the right path, and they are happy then I am blessed.
This blog will be my way of working through my head; you are welcome to join me on this ride.
Till next time…. Veronica