Break UP, It’s you.

He has left me. Not leaving me but has left. Obviously, I am a patient and he would have many but when you have finally found the right DR it can be devastating when they break up with you.

This is a painful break up and it’s not me. It’s you. You broke up with me through a friend too. Which makes it hurt even more.

I am in a daze at present it really hasn’t sunk in. You were given a better offer and you decided to take it. You didn’t talk to me about how you were feeling, and you always said we would be honest with each other. I took in every word you said, I loved listening to you talk about at the ways you were going to fix my brain. We had so many plans for our future. We were going to start my life over again with you holding the reigns and guiding me towards a more specialised diagnosis. It was going to be your diagnosis. I was all yours.  How am I going to survive the long nights at war with the demons knowing that I won’t be able to see you in the morning? How can I trust again, I shared with you the darkest depths of my despair you were the first Dr I did that with. I thought we would be forever. I think it hurts even more that you couldn’t tell me in person. You went through a nurse to the administration manager who gave it to the assistant and then I was told over the phone. I was told we were over for good. You were seeing another practice behind my back and she offered you so much more than my brain could ever give you. I know in time I will understand, but until then I am returning all your records, I’ll leave them at our special meeting spot, you know the one.

Fuck, Deflection of my true feelings with humour and sarcasm…. Here we go again.

About Veronica

I am Veronica and I am a long-suffering broken, depressed, medicated, extremely sarcastic bipolar person. I was diagnosed many years ago however the bipolar diagnosis was first conveyed when I was around eight years old. I have BPD2 (Bipolar Disorder 2) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and recently its been said I can add Borderline Personality Disorder. My new favorite diagnosis at present is TRD which sounds a little better that Treatment Resistant Depression. I have had Electroconvulsive Therapy a few times. *There is content in here which can trigger many things. I had considered writing something a very long time ago, but have so many depressive episodes I lose myself and then have to climb the wall again. I have beautiful manic episodes where there is no more reasoning with the other me and everything is fun and fast and free. They never end well; but in those moments life is exceptional. This blog is my way of working through my head. I love to write, I have boxes full of my words, in notebooks that have stories, poetry, pain, madness from within. It is mine. I write with hope that it will be read and connect with someone. I will listen to you if you need an ear, *I will always apply credit to another writers work if I am to use it. Only read if you wish. I welcome your comments and encouragements however I would appreciate that you are mindful that this is a public blog, which might be read by families and children and I would ask that you keep your replies to a “G” rated with a helpful rather than destructive tone. Sincerely Veronica - A work in progress!

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