August Nearly Over

I have been avoiding writing for a while now. Well that’s a lie. I have been writing but am so anxious of posting it that I have post after post of life, my life and I don’t know what to do with all this mind jumble. I have been in a massive slump.. deep low..suicidal […]

Hamster Wheel

Running the hamster wheel at present. Life has become very predictable and this is not enjoyable. I struggle with anxiety. One would think that having everything consistent would make me and my affliction very happy. But what happens is I never get out of this and thus continue to run in circles. Same old, same […]

Ramblings for the New Year

So,  I am still flying solo on the Medical assistance area. Still no Dr or Medical Nurse. Still no friends to talk to. No one to share the dark dirty thoughts I have. I last wrote in October. And I truly wish I could say time has flown but that is a lie. Every day […]

Fog

I have been in a fog for a month or two. I don’t know how I am feeling. I am numb to whats in my head this may be a good thing but it could also bubble over and cause great pain in the future. I am trying to have focus on the future. Big […]

Blues… of the birthday

Ridiculously, I wrote about the birthday and the blues and all the feelings associated with it in a previous post,   It’s hard to believe that it has passed yet again, but my birthday blues has begun and with it I write.   I am Drunk. One beautiful bottle of red merlot down and I’m […]

There was this day

*SENSITIVE CONTENT WARNING I am all over the shop. Understandably trying to come off medication is a hard task. A task I took on willingly, but I task I cannot complete. I had a terrible time this week sadly there was a day where I was the closest I have been in a long time […]

Changing?

Changing?

The understanding that I have changed is not true. I am removing all the layers of pharmaceuticals The products that have shadowed me for 20 years. So it’s not that I am changing,  it’s that I am removing what has been hanging over me. What you will be seeing now is someone I don’t know. […]

Remedy

Remedy

Honestly; I fear myself. At present my unpredictability and volatile personality make me worried that I’m totally losing the plot. Being up in the air again with my diagnosis I don’t have ways to explain why I am reacting the way I do. I have read that when people have ways to pin point triggers […]

WTF is wrong with me?

BROKEN MOLD We; ie medical professionals can not find a diagnosis to assist me with treatment. Obviously I know that no one person has the exact same, tick the box, characteristics for each disorder, but really being able to lock something in would help the explanation to family, help make the right decisions with medication […]

My roller coaster just wont stop. I keep loosing it at the stupidest things. And then I get super angry and flustered and just want to punch something or someone. The Valium tends to help bring me back to mellow and I don’t think my moodstabliser is keeping me very stable. The anger I have […]