August Nearly Over

I have been avoiding writing for a while now. Well that’s a lie. I have been writing but am so anxious of posting it that I have post after post of life, my life and I don’t know what to do with all this mind jumble. I have been in a massive slump.. deep low..suicidal […]

Hamster Wheel

Running the hamster wheel at present. Life has become very predictable and this is not enjoyable. I struggle with anxiety. One would think that having everything consistent would make me and my affliction very happy. But what happens is I never get out of this and thus continue to run in circles. Same old, same […]

Blues… of the birthday

Ridiculously, I wrote about the birthday and the blues and all the feelings associated with it in a previous post,   It’s hard to believe that it has passed yet again, but my birthday blues has begun and with it I write.   I am Drunk. One beautiful bottle of red merlot down and I’m […]

There was this day

*SENSITIVE CONTENT WARNING I am all over the shop. Understandably trying to come off medication is a hard task. A task I took on willingly, but I task I cannot complete. I had a terrible time this week sadly there was a day where I was the closest I have been in a long time […]

Break UP, It’s you.

He has left me. Not leaving me but has left. Obviously, I am a patient and he would have many but when you have finally found the right DR it can be devastating when they break up with you. This is a painful break up and it’s not me. It’s you. You broke up with […]

Changing?

Changing?

The understanding that I have changed is not true. I am removing all the layers of pharmaceuticals The products that have shadowed me for 20 years. So it’s not that I am changing,  it’s that I am removing what has been hanging over me. What you will be seeing now is someone I don’t know. […]

Remedy

Remedy

Honestly; I fear myself. At present my unpredictability and volatile personality make me worried that I’m totally losing the plot. Being up in the air again with my diagnosis I don’t have ways to explain why I am reacting the way I do. I have read that when people have ways to pin point triggers […]

WTF is wrong with me?

BROKEN MOLD We; ie medical professionals can not find a diagnosis to assist me with treatment. Obviously I know that no one person has the exact same, tick the box, characteristics for each disorder, but really being able to lock something in would help the explanation to family, help make the right decisions with medication […]

Not Safe 08/02/2018

*SENSITIVE CONTENT WARNING I have said “I am not safe” This is me asking for help.  This is me on the brink of a place I do not want to go. When I say that “I am not safe” I am making MC aware that the thoughts in my head are ones that suggest that […]

Sand

Sand

It’s been said time spent in the sun, feet on the earth, being within nature helps those with mental illness. I do this sometimes, but my time when I am feeling low is spent locked in my room away from it all. The security of my room. The smell, the darkness, and the demons. All […]