August Nearly Over

I have been avoiding writing for a while now. Well that’s a lie. I have been writing but am so anxious of posting it that I have post after post of life, my life and I don’t know what to do with all this mind jumble. I have been in a massive slump.. deep low..suicidal […]

Blues… of the birthday

Ridiculously, I wrote about the birthday and the blues and all the feelings associated with it in a previous post,   It’s hard to believe that it has passed yet again, but my birthday blues has begun and with it I write.   I am Drunk. One beautiful bottle of red merlot down and I’m […]

There was this day

*SENSITIVE CONTENT WARNING I am all over the shop. Understandably trying to come off medication is a hard task. A task I took on willingly, but I task I cannot complete. I had a terrible time this week sadly there was a day where I was the closest I have been in a long time […]

Break UP, It’s you.

He has left me. Not leaving me but has left. Obviously, I am a patient and he would have many but when you have finally found the right DR it can be devastating when they break up with you. This is a painful break up and it’s not me. It’s you. You broke up with […]

Remedy

Remedy

Honestly; I fear myself. At present my unpredictability and volatile personality make me worried that I’m totally losing the plot. Being up in the air again with my diagnosis I don’t have ways to explain why I am reacting the way I do. I have read that when people have ways to pin point triggers […]

TRD again

TRD again

That dam diagnosis has come up again in my latest psychiatrist session. Treatment Resistant Depression. Thank you. This really makes me wonder if I should keep trying. Or should I just float off into the darkness the place where my demons danced with me and I knew them all by name. Why is it that […]

Drinkeeeeeeeeee…….

Drinkeeeeeeeeee…….

Validation for how I am…. Does not come without it’s trouble or alcohol content. Bahh hahah I am 8 beers in to a stupor. But alas I am where I am the most honest and open, and Yesss there will be many a typing errors as I am seeing 3 times the keys as what […]

Being the fly.

Being the fly.

My head will converse with itself and I am like a fly on the wall, stuck on fly paper and unable to escape the confines of my skull. I can scrunch my eyes up with the hopes of stopping the drone of the negative thoughts. I can hold my ears but the buzzing is within […]

Seriously Treatment Resistant Depression

I have been struggling with feeling that regardless of how much I want to feel better, how pro-active I am. I am resistant.   Yes resistant is a new word in my bipolar vocabulary and one that I haven’t really considered. Broken, bent, crazy, frustrated, beaten, angry, dark, sick, disappointed, hurt, confused, stressed, lethargic, weird, devious, […]

Genuine

SO for a long while now I have been dealing with some people that like to pretend that they are kind, caring, honest, and loving, an all-round ‘genuine’ person. LOL that is what they like to portray. Quite hilariously these people have truly proven they can bullshit with the best of them and often prove […]