August Nearly Over

I have been avoiding writing for a while now. Well that’s a lie. I have been writing but am so anxious of posting it that I have post after post of life, my life and I don’t know what to do with all this mind jumble. I have been in a massive slump.. deep low..suicidal […]

Hamster Wheel

Running the hamster wheel at present. Life has become very predictable and this is not enjoyable. I struggle with anxiety. One would think that having everything consistent would make me and my affliction very happy. But what happens is I never get out of this and thus continue to run in circles. Same old, same […]

Blues… of the birthday

Ridiculously, I wrote about the birthday and the blues and all the feelings associated with it in a previous post,   It’s hard to believe that it has passed yet again, but my birthday blues has begun and with it I write.   I am Drunk. One beautiful bottle of red merlot down and I’m […]

Break UP, It’s you.

He has left me. Not leaving me but has left. Obviously, I am a patient and he would have many but when you have finally found the right DR it can be devastating when they break up with you. This is a painful break up and it’s not me. It’s you. You broke up with […]

Remedy

Remedy

Honestly; I fear myself. At present my unpredictability and volatile personality make me worried that I’m totally losing the plot. Being up in the air again with my diagnosis I don’t have ways to explain why I am reacting the way I do. I have read that when people have ways to pin point triggers […]

WTF is wrong with me?

BROKEN MOLD We; ie medical professionals can not find a diagnosis to assist me with treatment. Obviously I know that no one person has the exact same, tick the box, characteristics for each disorder, but really being able to lock something in would help the explanation to family, help make the right decisions with medication […]

Moment Meltdowns

I have just lost myself in the shortest period. When I say to you that in a moment every emotion I have can happen all at once. It is an unbelievable concept to some yet there are others that can nod their head with an understanding of what I mean. It will stop me dead […]

TRD again

TRD again

That dam diagnosis has come up again in my latest psychiatrist session. Treatment Resistant Depression. Thank you. This really makes me wonder if I should keep trying. Or should I just float off into the darkness the place where my demons danced with me and I knew them all by name. Why is it that […]

Being the fly.

Being the fly.

My head will converse with itself and I am like a fly on the wall, stuck on fly paper and unable to escape the confines of my skull. I can scrunch my eyes up with the hopes of stopping the drone of the negative thoughts. I can hold my ears but the buzzing is within […]

Wanted Words

Three weeks ago, I saw my psychiatrist. A man that I respect because he seems relatively genuine on my progress and listens to all my reasonable and unreasonable thoughts and most of all he writes my scripts. So, it was in this hour and a half session that he surprised me. Not with flowers or […]