Fog

I have been in a fog for a month or two.

I don’t know how I am feeling. I am numb to whats in my head this may be a good thing but it could also bubble over and cause great pain in the future.

I am trying to have focus on the future. Big things for the family but I struggle with dis-organisation and not having a productive checklist makes my processing very slow. These are things I am dealing with at the moment. Focus is off.

Slowly driving in a fog with the head lights off. Sometimes I like the thrill of not being able to see ahead of me the thought of whats hidden in the fog offering the possibility that there is bend in the road I cant see. A tree in the way. dark foggy thoughts. Even though I’m not really thinking or focused they sit there, the little demons lying in wait for the crack to show.

I don’t have a DR and I don’t have a mental health person to assist. I am currently on my own. The concern that is shown only happens when I use the S word. I don’t get the Are you Ok? and the only consistent support I get is from MC. Sometimes I wish I had a friend to talk to. Face to face interaction. A different kind of connection.

I am stuck with this fog in my head. I don’t know when it will clear I guess that’s the beauty of it all living on the edge.

 

 

About Veronica

I am Veronica and I am a long-suffering broken, depressed, medicated, extremely sarcastic bipolar person. I was diagnosed many years ago however the bipolar diagnosis was first conveyed when I was around eight years old. I have BPD2 (Bipolar Disorder 2) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and recently its been said I can add Borderline Personality Disorder. My new favorite diagnosis at present is TRD which sounds a little better that Treatment Resistant Depression. I have had Electroconvulsive Therapy a few times. *There is content in here which can trigger many things. I had considered writing something a very long time ago, but have so many depressive episodes I lose myself and then have to climb the wall again. I have beautiful manic episodes where there is no more reasoning with the other me and everything is fun and fast and free. They never end well; but in those moments life is exceptional. This blog is my way of working through my head. I love to write, I have boxes full of my words, in notebooks that have stories, poetry, pain, madness from within. It is mine. I write with hope that it will be read and connect with someone. I will listen to you if you need an ear, *I will always apply credit to another writers work if I am to use it. Only read if you wish. I welcome your comments and encouragements however I would appreciate that you are mindful that this is a public blog, which might be read by families and children and I would ask that you keep your replies to a “G” rated with a helpful rather than destructive tone. Sincerely Veronica - A work in progress!

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