Genuine

SO for a long while now I have been dealing with some people that like to pretend that they are kind, caring, honest, and loving, an all-round ‘genuine’ person. LOL that is what they like to portray.

Quite hilariously these people have truly proven they can bullshit with the best of them and often prove just how false they are in social situations.

There is often a situation where there is a need for a big bunch of people to get together such as a wedding or a baby shower, a funeral or a 60th Birthday or a school reunion and on these occasions there is a need to be polite and social. What bothers me is that this person (or these people) like to pretend to be friendly and act like a sweet as pie person when on the other side of the tracks they are sharing in the gossip and bitching behind your back. Why can’t they behave the way they would if it was one on one, behave in the manner fitting for the relationship or lack thereof one.

I like to consider myself a reasonably honest person (my honesty is growing with age). It is often in this honesty that I have run into trouble as I struggle to filter my feelings but in saying that if my feelings have been hurt I will say so. If I am angry I will tell you. I feel I would much rather an honest opinion either good or bad, than to navigate behind closed doors just how vile and wrong the intended target may be. That being said sometimes you can’t say to someone’s face “after so many years together you really turned out just like you mother, a conspiring bitch” or “why do you pretend to be a sweet as pie angel in front of strangers when in all honesty you continue to fuel the hatred behind closed doors?” “Honestly I find you a walking contradiction and I cannot wait until your true colours are portrayed and I can say ‘see he had you all fooled’” If only we had the chance to share this level of honesty, why was this not a built in human accessory.

What really makes me furious is that on some occasions these disingenuous people decide to turn up and continue to act as if they really do care and want to portray an image of sincerity and excitement at the prospect of being included in these such life events. They turn on the smile and would get an Oscar for their fabulous performance. Arugh this just turns my stomach especially when you know for a fact just weeks before hand they were telling everyone how much the hated you and didn’t want you in their life anymore.

I CALL BULLSHIT once again and also offer a standing ovation and hoorah, fist bump to the sky, at their talent.

I also can’t understand that their honesty will only be used with certain people and on the flip side there are others who still think you are the same sweetheart they met many years ago. This is called being two faced and it hurts me to think that somewhere along the line instead of choosing their own opinions they have jumped on the hate wagon and are now singing the same song.

I have learnt over the past few years being my authentic self and entertaining the idea that I am going to be this way for the rest of my life and that some will like and appreciate my bipolarity and some will still not be able to handle it. For a very long time I fought that my feelings were the only ones that mattered and that my pain which was gifted to me over many outrageous life events, was the only story to talk about.  I am now coming to terms that some people will genuinely NOT like me, will not be able to understand or handle this person that I am. I feel sorry for them but I will no longer allow the lies and the vulgar bitchiness that comes from their lack of honesty affect me and my pleasure in these situations.

 

 

 

About Veronica

I am Veronica and I am a long-suffering broken, depressed, medicated, extremely sarcastic bipolar person. I was diagnosed many years ago however the bipolar diagnosis was first conveyed when I was around eight years old. I have BPD2 (Bipolar Disorder 2) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and recently its been said I can add Borderline Personality Disorder. My new favorite diagnosis at present is TRD which sounds a little better that Treatment Resistant Depression. I have had Electroconvulsive Therapy a few times. *There is content in here which can trigger many things. I had considered writing something a very long time ago, but have so many depressive episodes I lose myself and then have to climb the wall again. I have beautiful manic episodes where there is no more reasoning with the other me and everything is fun and fast and free. They never end well; but in those moments life is exceptional. This blog is my way of working through my head. I love to write, I have boxes full of my words, in notebooks that have stories, poetry, pain, madness from within. It is mine. I write with hope that it will be read and connect with someone. I will listen to you if you need an ear, *I will always apply credit to another writers work if I am to use it. Only read if you wish. I welcome your comments and encouragements however I would appreciate that you are mindful that this is a public blog, which might be read by families and children and I would ask that you keep your replies to a “G” rated with a helpful rather than destructive tone. Sincerely Veronica - A work in progress!

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