Running the hamster wheel at present. Life has become very predictable and this is not enjoyable.

I struggle with anxiety. One would think that having everything consistent would make me and my affliction very happy. But what happens is I never get out of this and thus continue to run in circles. Same old, same old.

When I jump off the wheel and try something different the anxiety is tremendous but if I don’t do it I wont be able to change. When I jump off it’s a big leap into the unknown not the baby steps needed to conquer the condition. I’m thinking I just must run with it.

I’m still without a Dr and psychologist. So, I’m running on my own, which is some scary shit. Just keep taking meds with the hopes that I don’t falter. I have been thinking a mood stabliser should possibly be introduced back into my diet but what would I know?

I am emotionally all over the place at home, I have teenagers that don’t like each other. Don’t want to try and like each other. My tolerance level for their tit for tat is so low that I am storming from all confrontation and not being able to be in the same room as anyone. Our house is so crowded with stuff that the walls cave in on me and my respite is going to work. My support person at home, MC has been out of commission for 5 weeks now. Bad back. 3 weeks on the floor. Every time he thinks he’s on the mend he does something which is too much and then is on the floor again. I currently don’t have his help emotionally or physically and I can’t look after myself very well and without his help the family dynamic doesn’t work.

Currently I am stuck in a small box, full of shit with a bunch of baby hamsters that want to eat each other with only one wheel. Although I am hating on my life as it continues to be unimpressive monotonous, I have been jumping off the wheel and into the anxiety abyss all on my own. Would you call this a #winning moment? Or just a #wft are you doing one?