Lost Poetry

Poetry was once an outlet for me when I was younger back when I was processing the painful, draining life I was living.  I didn’t have a shoulder to cry on or a friend that had my back. I had to give everything I had to everyone else before I had anything for myself and what was left was a lonely, attention starved broken teen.

I have stumbled across a notebook I kept with bit’s and pieces of me, I thought I could share some with you. (There is a previous post with some more of my poems).

 

Devoted (27/05/99)

I lie alone at night naked in my bed

Dreaming of your touch so close to my head

I wonder what the weathers like outside my dreaming heart

Can I be the only one wanting this to start?

I want to share a moment if it’s only in my dreams

When you say those words which mean so much to me

I cry alone at night naked in my bed

Dreaming of you touch, dreaming of us instead.

 

Learning Experiences (08/07/99)

I don’t know why I feel this way something’s really wrong

No matter what I feel or say nothings being done

I feel bad about this age I’d change it if I could

What’s been done has been done so to live with it we should

You think I’m angry I promise you no I think that I should cry

I won’t forget what happened and I know you won’t be let

This was a learning experience and there is more that I should get.

 

Emotions (18/07/99) 16 years old

My emotions have been thrown around no one understands

I don’t want to explain it because it hurts my head

The tears I cry mean nothing it’s just a waste of breath

I don’t want to die now but it’s my closets freedom

My eyes are sore

My throat is dry

I hurt all over

I burn inside

I’m missing the most important thing a childhood and a life

All I’m really getting is shit and too much strife

I’m not the most smart person and I admit sometimes I don’t try

But for you to be the one to decide about my life ahead

One day it will all be understood and hopefully this day shall arrive soon.

 

 

 

 

About Veronica

I am Veronica and I am a long-suffering broken, depressed, medicated, extremely sarcastic bipolar person. I was diagnosed many years ago however the bipolar diagnosis was first conveyed when I was around eight years old. I have BPD2 (Bipolar Disorder 2) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and recently its been said I can add Borderline Personality Disorder. My new favorite diagnosis at present is TRD which sounds a little better that Treatment Resistant Depression. I have had Electroconvulsive Therapy a few times. *There is content in here which can trigger many things. I had considered writing something a very long time ago, but have so many depressive episodes I lose myself and then have to climb the wall again. I have beautiful manic episodes where there is no more reasoning with the other me and everything is fun and fast and free. They never end well; but in those moments life is exceptional. This blog is my way of working through my head. I love to write, I have boxes full of my words, in notebooks that have stories, poetry, pain, madness from within. It is mine. I write with hope that it will be read and connect with someone. I will listen to you if you need an ear, *I will always apply credit to another writers work if I am to use it. Only read if you wish. I welcome your comments and encouragements however I would appreciate that you are mindful that this is a public blog, which might be read by families and children and I would ask that you keep your replies to a “G” rated with a helpful rather than destructive tone. Sincerely Veronica - A work in progress!

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