Reached The End

lincoln

Yesterday was wonderful.  I came to the finale of my ECT. Basically MC had to make the decision but only if he could see a change in my.  I have been pushing for the last 4 to have been enough. BUT MC had instruction from my social worker that it can be our call as long we are happy with my behavior, my improvement.

MC put me through the ringer and made me work really hard for this pardon.

The best feeling is that my eldest noticed a difference and now she understands why we had to go through the whole process to take me from desperately, lost and in pain to confident, positive, fun and strong again. My children have had to deal with my Bipolar self.  My highs and lows were nearly like clockwork.  The children knew when to come and ask me and when to as MC so that they could get the outcome they wanted. Cheeky Buggers they are.

My son doesn’t really know me as anything other than sad and in pain, It has been a struggle but I have spent most of today with him and he commented on mummy being happy. It is a huge deal when your 5 year old picks up a difference in my physicality.

Trying to be a happy Bipolar person can be difficult. Having to deal with the tonnes of weight, bearing down on your shoulders. Being a strong parental influence and keeping the lessons you are teaching strong, consistent and worthy instead of becoming wrapped up in my bipolar madness and running of the rails and taking everyone down the toilet with you.

I finally got the all clear from the DR involved in the ECT and my social worker from community mental health.  I was given the OK and I am so excited.  I have been given a new go at living a happy, full and fun life. I have a smile on my face when I am doing chores, I am smiling with the mundane feeding the dogs.  MC said he hasn’t seen this smile for years!  Ear to ear and full of teeth. He forgot how much he missed this smile. I could not remember it at all.

I am finally looking towards new plans, like where we going to live, will I get a awesome new job, what is the next step for our family. I am only 32, I have so much life to live so many new things to learn.  I have always wanted to be a good example for my children, so much to teach them so many things they can learn from me.

I am so happy that I have made it through the hard yakka and excelled at becoming stable and strong and I have learnt that there a wonderful and strong people in my life and that I can rely on these people to help me through the daily slog and keep me on the right path headed towards the natural benefits.  I might just be able to help someone out who doesn’t know the need the hand or is ready for the small amount help that everyone could use now and again.

About Veronica

I am Veronica and I am a long-suffering broken, depressed, medicated, extremely sarcastic bipolar person. I was diagnosed many years ago however the bipolar diagnosis was first conveyed when I was around eight years old. I have BPD2 (Bipolar Disorder 2) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and recently its been said I can add Borderline Personality Disorder. My new favorite diagnosis at present is TRD which sounds a little better that Treatment Resistant Depression. I have had Electroconvulsive Therapy a few times. *There is content in here which can trigger many things. I had considered writing something a very long time ago, but have so many depressive episodes I lose myself and then have to climb the wall again. I have beautiful manic episodes where there is no more reasoning with the other me and everything is fun and fast and free. They never end well; but in those moments life is exceptional. This blog is my way of working through my head. I love to write, I have boxes full of my words, in notebooks that have stories, poetry, pain, madness from within. It is mine. I write with hope that it will be read and connect with someone. I will listen to you if you need an ear, *I will always apply credit to another writers work if I am to use it. Only read if you wish. I welcome your comments and encouragements however I would appreciate that you are mindful that this is a public blog, which might be read by families and children and I would ask that you keep your replies to a “G” rated with a helpful rather than destructive tone. Sincerely Veronica - A work in progress!

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