WTF is wrong with me?

BROKEN MOLD We; ie medical professionals can not find a diagnosis to assist me with treatment. Obviously I know that no one person has the exact same, tick the box, characteristics for each disorder, but really being able to lock something in would help the explanation to family, help make the right decisions with medication […]

My roller coaster just wont stop. I keep loosing it at the stupidest things. And then I get super angry and flustered and just want to punch something or someone. The Valium tends to help bring me back to mellow and I don’t think my moodstabliser is keeping me very stable. The anger I have […]

Not Safe 08/02/2018

*SENSITIVE CONTENT WARNING I have said “I am not safe” This is me asking for help.  This is me on the brink of a place I do not want to go. When I say that “I am not safe” I am making MC aware that the thoughts in my head are ones that suggest that […]

Thought

I don’t know If I should call it tolerance If I should call it time Is it resilience Is my life really mine? I have no path to follow I have nothing to lose If you saw me crying Would you stop, would you? I try to fulfil my duty As person, parent, wife But […]

Moment Meltdowns

I have just lost myself in the shortest period. When I say to you that in a moment every emotion I have can happen all at once. It is an unbelievable concept to some yet there are others that can nod their head with an understanding of what I mean. It will stop me dead […]

Sand

Sand

It’s been said time spent in the sun, feet on the earth, being within nature helps those with mental illness. I do this sometimes, but my time when I am feeling low is spent locked in my room away from it all. The security of my room. The smell, the darkness, and the demons. All […]

Anxious Confidence

Anxious Confidence

Some people are born with confidence. They come out of the womb with it. Some people grow into confidence like the new pair of shoes that you got at the beginning of the year for school, you know the ones that mum said you were going to grow into. Some people use substances to create […]

Early Word

Early Word

It’s cold. I’m naked under my dressing gown which doesn’t help with the cold and It only goes to just under my knees. Do all dressing gowns go to just under your knees? Or is mine just special.  The bottom half of my legs have the hairs standing on end sometimes I imagine them vibrating […]

3.52

3.52

Witching hour. 3.52am. I’m tossing and turning in bed. My backpain killers have worn off so I can feel the throbbing. Within the tossing and turning the thoughts have started. What will today be like? What was yesterday? Why the hell can’t I just snooze for another hour and get up at reasonable time. There […]