The Facebook Lie

This Facebook lie is a sentiment shared by many around the world. I myself had a moment when I realised there is only a select few that are real true friends out of my nearly 200 I have.

I barely share my troubled self in the status bar… I have a few Facebook personas that engage the world of Facebook.

I’m an unhappy sarcastic housewife. I struggle with the day to day running of the household. I will share that the kids are driving me crazy, or why does it always rain when I hang washing on the line, or a happy snap of one of the kids doing something clever and finally there are days that I have to do my hair and makeup and I need to document the effort so I always take a selfie. It’s funny because those selfies don’t reflect me at all I can feel the lie creep in under my skin.

When I am working, which happens every couple of years, I tend to run as a relatively happy person but behind the mask of this happy person; is me. I struggle to believe that I can do the job well.  I am sarcastic, driven, I work far too hard for what I am paid and I second guess myself many times a day.  I post funny memes, Shakespeare quotes, and like and comment on work colleagues and family member’s posts.  I am most active in this persona.

I am also a bipolar person trying to engage someone for help; and this is definitely not the right way. My bipolar persona tries to use Facebook to get attention from certain people.  I am calling out for help, waving my hands in the air, hoping that member of the family that has always been distant reaches out for me.  It almost always ends up with my tears on the keyboard and some idiot out there that has no idea about bipolar mindset.  Granted I’m still learning about the bipolar mindset too, so it is generally a lose-lose situation.  I am angry and frustrated.  I stalk certain people I have been hurt by.  I stew over the happy smiles.

What always starts as a good intention, a few likes here and there and a few comments like ‘beautiful baby’ or ‘lovely wedding photos.’   How do you go about writing a…. “What’s on your mind?”, when your mind is broken.

I have been honest in the status bar, I have lied, and I have fabricated the truth to sound much better than it is.

A couple of months ago I posted this….

pic of Michael Bolton

I had a few people wish me well.  One of my sisters said she’s always there for me and a friend living far away who knows my history gave me a legit (real) phone call to make sure I was safe.

Then I had this comment ….

I know you don’t want to hear this and with your best interest at heart. Please go see a doctor and talk to them. A dark place is hard to out of and we can all say we love you but they can help.  xoxo

Why did this make me furious?  Am I supposed to get angry?  I blasted back a comment but after 30 minutes I took it down because I realised she had no clue about me and she was trying to advise me towards help.  I was desperate for help, reaching out arms outstretched.

I learnt with that post that Bipolar Disorder does not translate well on Facebook.  I need to continue the lies if I want to maintain the happy Facebook persona.

Sincerely Veronica
A work in progress!

 

About Vee180

I am Veronica and I am a long-suffering bipolar person. I was diagnosed eight years ago however the bipolar diagnosis was first conveyed when I was around eight years old. I have BPD2 (bipolar disorder 2) and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and recently borderline personality. I had considered writing something a very long time ago, but have so many depressive episodes I lose myself and then have to climb the wall again. I have beautiful manic episodes where there is no more reasoning with the other me and everything is fun and fast and free. They never end well; but in those moments life was more than what I had dreamt of. This blog is my way of working through my head. I welcome your comments and encouragements however I would appreciate that you are mindful that this is a public blog, which might be read by families and children and I would ask that you keep your replies to a “G” rated with a helpful rather than destructive tone. Sincerely Veronica - A work in progress!

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