Hamster Wheel

Running the hamster wheel at present. Life has become very predictable and this is not enjoyable. I struggle with anxiety. One would think that having everything consistent would make me and my affliction very happy. But what happens is I never get out of this and thus continue to run in circles. Same old, same […]

Break UP, It’s you.

He has left me. Not leaving me but has left. Obviously, I am a patient and he would have many but when you have finally found the right DR it can be devastating when they break up with you. This is a painful break up and it’s not me. It’s you. You broke up with […]



The understanding that I have changed is not true. I am removing all the layers of pharmaceuticals The products that have shadowed me for 20 years. So it’s not that I am changing,  it’s that I am removing what has been hanging over me. What you will be seeing now is someone I don’t know. […]

So it has begun

So I guess it is time for an update on my progress since starting a new medication. Some information to help with understanding my new medication: Treating certain types of seizures. It may be used alone or with other medicines. It may also be used to delay the occurrence of mood problems in certain patients […]

Seriously Treatment Resistant Depression

I have been struggling with feeling that regardless of how much I want to feel better, how pro-active I am. I am resistant.   Yes resistant is a new word in my bipolar vocabulary and one that I haven’t really considered. Broken, bent, crazy, frustrated, beaten, angry, dark, sick, disappointed, hurt, confused, stressed, lethargic, weird, devious, […]

Defining Friendships

Defining my friendships friends people who are aware of how retarded you are and still manage to be seen inpublic with you. people who make you laugh till you pee your pants. people who cry for you when one of your special items disappear. when you dont have enough money to get a ice cream, they chip in. […]

Rough Send Off

It is hard for me to stand by and watch my siblings in pain, any kind of emotional or physical pain.  I am the big sister and it has always been my job to protect them, to save them from themselves, to teach them what they should and shouldn’t do and be there to help […]


Who would have thought that for five years I have been in a haze and presently I believe it was my prescription for Lithium. I have been religiously taking it morning and night along with my other medicines (Effexor and Seroquel) and having much faith in my community mental health department and one of the […]

Blog Crashed

  So sadly I have had a back of blog issue and need to upload a multitude of posts since October 2015. I will get them back on asap. Thanks for the loyalty.

I’m still lost.

I’m still lost.

I have been feeling lost, frustrated, angry, tired and these are all common words often used as a quick way to explain the pain we feel and the easy way to end the question, how are you?  I hate the question and to be honest people hate asking me because I have learnt now the […]