Early Word

It’s cold. I’m naked under my dressing gown which doesn’t help with the cold and It only goes to just under my knees. Do all dressing gowns go to just under your knees? Or is mine just special.  The bottom half of my legs have the hairs standing on end sometimes I imagine them vibrating in the hopes they can keep me warm… this reminds me I should probably shave them too.

In this cool my fingertips feel like they are going to pound holes through the keyboard. They are cold and crispy. I tried typing in gloves once too but that was ridiculous and I only lasted a few minutes and I think I threw them in the bin in a huff too. My wrists are cold when I am typing and the warm when I stop because they can hide in the arms of my dressing gown.

I much prefer the cold to the humid heat we have in summer and the electricity bill that comes with the heat. It will warm up around 11am today and then it will be a beautiful winters day.

I am annoyed that I am up so bloody early again, 4.25 am today. This is becoming a habit and it is not one I want. The best thing about being up this early is that it’s the horror movie quiet. It’s the quiet when the intense music and back and forth editing to make you freak and then in your fear everything goes quiet right before the conflict happens.

There are no birds singing away or that one bird that does the same three tweets over and over. The rooster did his early morning crow at 1am so he can chill for the rest of the day. The stupid thing needs a watch.

In this quiet, If I focus I can hear things I wouldn’t normally hear once the house is awake….The tick of the wall clock is the first thing I can hear it is soothing like a Metronome. It’s funny cause it reminds me of my grandfather. He had one on top of his piano. We were allowed to pretend we could play his piano but Mary had a little lamb won’t get a standing ovation with the best rendition after stuffing it up 3200 times.  I would love the clock to put me back to sleep but I am just one of those people that will wake up and stay up.  I know I will definitely feel it tonight.

The hum of the fridge. The normally hard-working fridge keeping the food cold. The caretaker of family meals. Of the sneaky block of chocolate, I hide at the back of it really in the hopes that no one finds it. They all know this spot now but I love my chocolate cold and crunchy so it must stay in the fridge. MC likes his chocolate at room temperature so I think in the back of my mind I’m trying to keep him from eating it too.  We need a new fridge I am kind of expecting it to be making coughing sounds cause the fridge section isn’t keeping cool and the freezer is so cold that I put 2 litres of mineral water from the cupboard to the freezer and it froze in 20 min.  It would be tops for margaritas.  The ice cream is so solid that if I dropped it the tiles would be obliterated. We switched it off for 6 days and lived out of the esky. That was super sucky but when the fridge went back on it worked amazeblls for a month.  We need a fridge fixer out.. but with the next 3 weeks locked in with Basketball and Birthdays and Baby Showers with travelling to the Goldy It looks like the fridge is going to the top of my Birthday Wish list, right next to a new vacuum!

If I push my ear senses which is like Spider Senses … I can hear the hear the trucks going past the main road. If you don’t focus on the breaks part you could mistake it for beautiful sound of the ocean. But then in that tranquillity of thought you get half a dozen trucks with the trailers that make that metal on metal squeal as they realise that the 80km Sign is because of the tight corner they are trying to fly through is actually pretty risky and BAM that gorgeous sound of rolling waves has gone.

My finger tips are still cold. I thought I would remedy the cold situation and make peppermint tea. My all-time favourite tea.  Couldn’t find my slippers I think they are under the couch.  Going from the soft carpet on to the cold tiles is like walking on thousands of pieces of cold Lego. It hurts but I need to tough it out to get to the kettle.  Now I need to pour the “stale” water and fill the kettle. Well I only ever put just enough water for a cuppa because they are few and far between. (the stale water thing is inherited from my mum) the tap handle is freezing so I need to fill it quick and pray I don’t get any spray on my hands otherwise the writing this morning is over. Quick dash to the loo and running over cold Lego tiles makes it a very swift process.  It’s mornings like this that I applaud the people that had those toilet seat covers. The fluffy ones that go around the seat cause bare ass on the seat does not help anyone in the wee hours. Pun intended. I have legged it back to the kettle poured the tea and managed to get back to the couch and under the blanket.

I can hear stirring in the kids room this could possibly mean that the yummy HOT tea is not going to happen.



About Veronica

I am Veronica and I am a long-suffering broken, depressed, medicated, extremely sarcastic bipolar person. I was diagnosed many years ago however the bipolar diagnosis was first conveyed when I was around eight years old. I have BPD2 (Bipolar Disorder 2) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and recently its been said I can add Borderline Personality Disorder. My new favorite diagnosis at present is TRD which sounds a little better that Treatment Resistant Depression. I have had Electroconvulsive Therapy a few times. *There is content in here which can trigger many things. I had considered writing something a very long time ago, but have so many depressive episodes I lose myself and then have to climb the wall again. I have beautiful manic episodes where there is no more reasoning with the other me and everything is fun and fast and free. They never end well; but in those moments life is exceptional. This blog is my way of working through my head. I love to write, I have boxes full of my words, in notebooks that have stories, poetry, pain, madness from within. It is mine. I write with hope that it will be read and connect with someone. I will listen to you if you need an ear, *I will always apply credit to another writers work if I am to use it. Only read if you wish. I welcome your comments and encouragements however I would appreciate that you are mindful that this is a public blog, which might be read by families and children and I would ask that you keep your replies to a “G” rated with a helpful rather than destructive tone. Sincerely Veronica - A work in progress!

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