WTF is wrong with me?


We; ie medical professionals can not find a diagnosis to assist me with treatment.

Obviously I know that no one person has the exact same, tick the box, characteristics for each disorder, but really being able to lock something in would help the explanation to family, help make the right decisions with medication and alternate therapies. Something that I could use, say, hey this is me, these are the things we have tried and this is what is next on the agenda. This explain why I am feeling that.

I am now going into medical history of family. Looking into different disorders that have never crossed my mind. We are looking for an explanation on why I keep failing. Why I keep trending down. Down, down ,down.

We cant call it major depression, or bipolar disorder, or borderline personalty, seasonal affective disorder, psychotic depression. I just have to be difficult.

We are  going back, as far back as birth. We are going to start at the beginning and comb through all of me to find boxes that we have missed. Actually we are going to start a new checklist.

Today I have to start a list of symptoms, feelings little things that are going to help. It’s going to take a few days and MC has a fair bit of input as he has first hand data analysis of me. So today I start.

First step, AGAIN towards finding new ways of treatment.

About Veronica

I am Veronica and I am a long-suffering broken, depressed, medicated, extremely sarcastic bipolar person. I was diagnosed many years ago however the bipolar diagnosis was first conveyed when I was around eight years old. I have BPD2 (Bipolar Disorder 2) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and recently its been said I can add Borderline Personality Disorder. My new favorite diagnosis at present is TRD which sounds a little better that Treatment Resistant Depression. I have had Electroconvulsive Therapy a few times. *There is content in here which can trigger many things. I had considered writing something a very long time ago, but have so many depressive episodes I lose myself and then have to climb the wall again. I have beautiful manic episodes where there is no more reasoning with the other me and everything is fun and fast and free. They never end well; but in those moments life is exceptional. This blog is my way of working through my head. I love to write, I have boxes full of my words, in notebooks that have stories, poetry, pain, madness from within. It is mine. I write with hope that it will be read and connect with someone. I will listen to you if you need an ear, *I will always apply credit to another writers work if I am to use it. Only read if you wish. I welcome your comments and encouragements however I would appreciate that you are mindful that this is a public blog, which might be read by families and children and I would ask that you keep your replies to a “G” rated with a helpful rather than destructive tone. Sincerely Veronica - A work in progress!

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